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‘I can’t… goodbye… I love you,’ he slurred. I never heard the gunshot, just his screams. He wanted me to hear everything.’: Widow resorts to post-loss drinking, sex binges to cope with husband’s suicide, realizes he ‘wasn’t the monster mental illness made him out to be’
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‘I can’t… goodbye… I love you,’ he slurred. I never heard the gunshot, just his screams. He wanted me to hear everything.’: Widow resorts to post-loss drinking, sex binges to cope with husband’s suicide, realizes he ‘wasn’t the monster mental illness made him out to be’

  • Michelle Miller details the night her husband John spoke by phone as he died by suicide, emphasizing the emotional sequence that ended their marriage.
  • The widow describes the long aftermath, including social media backlash and personal struggles with grief, drinking, and dependency.
  • Miller eventual sobriety led to a career shift, including work as a funeral service director and publishing memoirs about loss.
  • Miller emphasizes that healing does not erase grief but requires accepting loss and continuing forward with life.
  • The article highlights that Miller directs funerals with honesty, avoiding platitudes toward the bereaved.
  • The piece notes Miller’s advocacy for open discussion of grief and sharing personal journeys to help others cope.
  • Miller’s books, including Boys, Booze, and Bathroom Floors, resonated with readers seeking unconventional mourning paths.
  • Miller continues to shape her life around service, including a mortuary career and public speaking on grief.
  • Miller states she has not remarried and continues to process loss while guiding others through similar journeys.
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